Emotional Intelligence - What is EQ?
Definition of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence (EQ or Emotional Quotient for short) is the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, evaluate, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively. It includes not only being in control of and understanding one's own emotions and emotional state, but being able to recognise and manage the emotions of others around you as well.
People with high emotional intelligence often exhibit the following:
- Self-acceptance
- Curiosity regarding others
- Empathy for the situations of others
- Knowledge and acceptance of personal strengths and weaknesses
- Ability to manage their emotional state in times of difficulty
Current research tends to split emotional intelligence into four broad abilities. People may be better at one or the other, but the science shows that we can level up any of these with practice - just like any other skill!
- Perception- The ability to notice or accurately sense the emotions of those around you (or those within you!) If anyone has ever told you to "read the room", this is what they are talking about.
- Reasoning- The ability to use your emotions and emotional responses to make informed decisions and prioritise what you react to.
- Understanding- The ability to interpret the cause of emotions, be they yours or belonging to those around you.
- Managing- The ability to regulate and control one's own emotional responses, and respond appropriately to the emotions of those around you.
Why is EQ development valuable?
So why on earth is developing emotional intelligence important for the tech industry? As it turns out, when asked what qualities employers value most in potential tech industry candidates, most don't rate actual tech skills particularly highly! Most in fact prefer their candidates to be approachable, sociable, and to show other soft-skills like initiative, drive, and analytical ability. It's far more important for a candidate to be a good fit within the company culture than to have a specific skill set - as these skills are easier to develop than emotional intelligence and soft-skills.
A well developed emotional intelligence isn't just a plus for your employment chances - it's a must! Not only is a high EQ helpful for being hired in the first place, for those looking to climb the leadership ladder, it only gets more important. It's said that 90% of the skills that distinguish outstanding leaders from the rest are based upon emotional intelligence. Looks like it's time to get studying!
EMOTIONAL WEIGHTLIFTING
So how do we get emotionally buff and wow our next interviewer? Same way we get good at anything - practice and training! Just like we can develop our coding skills by doing challenges and building projects, we can improve our EQ in much the same way! So what are some good exercises to hone our soft skills?
Mindfulness
Mindfulness and Meditation and two crucial tools for improving out ability to pay attention and focus. In order to tune into to another person's emotional state or get a feel for who you are talking to, attentiveness and focus are critical. In order to be mindful, we have to enter a state where we focus non-judgementally on everything happening in the present moment. This practice helps us to cultivate EQ by controlling our own emotional state, and putting ourselves in a position to better observe and react to the emotions of others. Meditation serves much the same purpose. Many tools are available online to help develop these skills, such as Headspace.
Listening & Looping
This a great execise to cultivate focus. Working with a partner, you set a timer, and simply listen intently to what they have to say. At the end of the timed period, you relate back to your partner what you understood from them while they spoke. Your partner then confirms or makes addititions or alterations to your recollection, and you again loop this back to them, until a full understanding has been reached. Then you switch roles, and let your partner listen to you talk. It's surprising how difficult it is to just sit and listen without interjecting, while trying to absorb everything that's being said and not let your mind wander. Definitely something worth practicing!
Journaling
Journaling is a very close relative of Reflecting. Simply writing your thoughts down in private, continuous stream serves to unload your brain, and invites a surprising amount of self-discovery. Regular practice of Journaling makes it easier to become consciously aware of exactly how you are feeling, and ready to accept and regulate those emotions when necessary. Some people take their journaling to the next level by using it to help free up brain power! "Building a Second Brain" by Tiago Forte is a great read.
